You like make-believe and butterflies? No.
You don't want to believe in what you know.
Pretend we're happy so long as a smile,
Though, it feels like I've died for a while.
You don't care, you won't care. I know that true.
Because I know I mean noting to you.
You can pretend, I know that you will
Keep going to see how long it takes to heal.
It was clear now that you didn't love me.
In love you can't be as mean as you'd be.
You demanded all of me without words,
And expected me to know what you'd need.
If I was wrong, or forgot you'd leave me
Empty so I'd run to meet your decree.
You'd know exactly how to make me beg
To give you one of my arms and a leg.
Sip me, drink me dry. Take all of my heart
And leave me to die. Just tear me apart.
It's not like you were one to be polite.
I'll know you'll get what you want anyway.
You wanted all of me and gave nothing.
I'm not your queen, but you're my tyrant King.
Well, immediately following the quarantine, life was looking a little bleak. I mean, I work at a summer camp with little kids. We weren't even sure if that was going to open this year, which meant I would be out of a job. Fortunately it did. And my social life was also looking a little sad. Outside of not really getting to see my boyfriend, my friends were all afraid to leave their house for fear of catching the contagion! But at least I got to try some really good foods. Psyche! There are a lot of food chains missing in the little town that I go to college in. So whenever I go home, I can't help but indulge my cravings. But most of my favorite places had modified hours that conflicted with my work schedule. No good food for me.
However, I'm not here to only spout sad news.
Because this summer, I got to do a little work for myself. I created some fabulous prints that are now available in the print shop. Click the SHOP button above to get there. And I got a whole lot of writing down. But like I said in my Recent Updates post, I won't putting out any written publications in 2020. But with all the progress I've made, keep a look out for some stuff early in 2021. Of course I'll make an announcement here and on all of my social medias so make sure to go follow me!
On top of all that I've gotten to really take a look at myself. I had a chance to evaluate my goals in both my career and my life in general. What is it that I want? And how do I make that happen? Am I doing it for anyone other than myself?
Despite the catastrophe at the beginning of the year, I would say that this summer has been an overall success. And with all of its success, I am very glad that I will beginning again in classes every soon. Next week in fact.
Until next time, stay safe!
Keep me tied up and lonely, on a string.
No real love, no happiness. Just fake
Empty gestures for me to cling on to,
Handing out enough to keep me coming.
I often wonder why I stay around.
You don't ask me to stay. You don't care if
I go. You wouldn't see if I fell off a cliff
I think that here there no love I found.
I like to think so. I hope and I pray.
But I deceive myself in my own words.
I could go have a meeting with the birds,
I might go tell them that I'm not okay.
But you want me to play and keep smiling.
You like games, and I'm good at pretending.
You left me to feel abandoned alone.
But why care for the girl you say you love.
As if in your heart I was nothing of.
That's how it felt when you spoke in that tone.
You smiled and said " it doesn't matter,"
You might as well have said I don't either.
This woman, whose rug you pulled from beneath her
Eyes closed, I hit the floor with a splatter
Dare not look, dare not see, my pain building,
The ache was piling up inside of me.
But if I looked more painful it would be.
I laid blindfully, eyes closed and stinging.
My head hung low. I looked as though I died.
My eyes hurt. Swollen with tears I have cried.
I had high hopes for you. Maybe too high.
I don't expect a prince. I don't want one.
But to hold my heart like the moon and sun.
Don't praise, but cherish my loving supply.
To make me feel wanted, that's all I'll need.
But you seem so thoughtless. At least of me.
Don't you ever wonder what we could be
If you just took the time to plant a seed?
I really don't think I'm asking too much.
Are you scared? Are you hiding? Open up!
Need me! I have enough to fill your cup.
If all it is you need is just my touch.
I beg that you spare me some attention.
Even pretend that I hold your affections...
Two seasons have passed and snow packs the ground.
We met at a party with people around.
I'll admit I was scared to you.
But you made it easy, so then I knew.
You made me feel pretty and important
Your soul, your heart, your love was absorbent.
Days rolled by. Weeks and months before my eyes.
And all of that time, filled with happy sighs.
I didn't wish for you, but you still came
Just to grant me something by a new name.
You were something I never knew I'd need
All of my expectations, you'd exceed.
I was being carried in a basket.
You don't know how much I wished it lasted.
I know quarantine has brought everything to a screeching halt. And one would think that would provide me with plenty of time to get writing down. Alas, that is not true. When everything shifting online, my workload doubled and I had to prioritize school ahead of writing. In turn, I am now three months behind schedule. So I am sorry to say that no books will be coming out this year, 2020. I'm sorry but I have to make time for work and school and maintaining my own well being. I hope that as everything begins to return to normal so will my work schedule. But as of now it looks as though there will be no printed publications. But if everything were to change, I will you all know immediately.
It's not all bad news though. I like to create digital art prints in my spare time. I don't have a lot of that so they're coming out slowing. But coming. So look out for those.
As for the blogs, I will try to maintain a regular upload schedule of every Monday. I think that I can do that now with everything happening.
I'll make sure to update everyone here, on the website, so keep a look out. But until then, stay healthy!
All I have ever known has gone to rot.
Burning; Set ablaze by one I trusted.
Stabbed in the back by a needle rusted.
Continue in my life, that I cannot.
Someone might call me pathetic and weak
And that I just need to deal with the ache.
That I just need to "learn from my mistake,"
Like I chose to be victim of a freak!
I would have given him everything.
Anything I had. Had he only asked.
He would have never had to be unmasked
But my angel willing clipped his wing.
I know, to hurt me was his only goal.
But still my heart dies with the love he stole.
As continuation of last week's workout! For this last week, I will take you through my personal daily workout routines. Let's push on!
And don't forget to stretch!